My Cape Town Experience has been a mosaic. A mosaic is "a picture or pattern produced by arranging together small colored pieces of hard material, such as stone, tile or glass." (Google). At my service placement, one of the things that I did on Fridays was help with mosaics. I use the metaphor of mirroring mosaics because in creating one, I need to gather and identify tools. In my case, identity tiles that make up who I am. Three of these are: (1) being Native American, (2) helping people, and (3) having a passion for working with kids. As part of my identity and my continual struggles with the single story of Native Americans, being the only native student on this program has been difficult because it's hard to relate to others when it feels like you are the only one. Furthermore, it's hard when every time I go to the post office, I go past the Spur Steak Restaurant, which idolizes the stereotypical 19th Century Native American, with war paint, feathers, headdress, tomahawk and teepee. It's hard to overcome this single story of being Native American because I feel that indigenous people are categorized and seen as that, and not so much modern people. We are still here!
In terms of helping others and working with kids, these two components make up a good portion of who I am and offer a great transition into Parkfields. My time at the school, I taught math intervention, life skills, and physical training to grade 5, 6, and 7 learners, in addition to assisting teachers with any help they need. Drawing on the metaphor, the tiles, as I have said, encompass different facets of who I am, the good AND the bad, which brings me to my next point. While crafting the mosaic, assembling and accepting the parts of me that I don't like. The pieces that show loneliness, fear of failing, not fitting in, feeling like I am not good enough and feeling self-conscious.
When you work with tiles, you have a tool that you use to cut the tiles. In essence, when you cut tiles, they no longer are perfect, square entities. Now, they are fractured, broken, irregularly shaped objects. Those objects, which are shaped by my experiences here in South Africa, led to the scary realization of several things. (1) Being vulnerable is not weakness, rather it is a sign of courage. (2) Reciprocal relationships offer a give and take approach, (3) Group dynamics are one thing, becoming close with people in the group is another, and (4) knowing yourself is a crucial thing.
A hard lesson for me to learn and really take in is the notion of give and take. I am very much a person who likes to give and give and give. I give with the expectation of not receiving. It's not that I try to ignore the people who reach out to me, it's more the fact that I'd rather be there for people, instead of people being here for me. This has been something that has been ingrained within in from an early age. But with recent emotional turmoil, I can give and give and give, until there is nothing left. But by allowing myself the opportunity to tear down the walls I have constructed around myself, to see the helping hands from my friends here has proven to be the game changer.
Having that social support, that glue to hold me together, as much as the glue holds the tiles, having a social network of people here in Cape Town, has been difficult to negotiate, but by giving it some time, has proven to be incredibly awesome! And it's been such a pleasure to have spent time with people in this group. I am truly grateful for all of them, I have so much respect for them, I love y'all!! (Hugs!) :)
With Parkfields and South Africa shaping my "tiles," I have come to acknowledge that while there are parts of me that I don't necessarily like, they are a part of who I am. Additionally, these ugly parts of me, the imperfections make the mosaic, me, a whole piece. By embracing the negative, it, paradoxically, makes the image more beautiful. (I've Gotta Be Me - Ryan Tedder)
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Before leaving Parkfields, I wrote on the board for all of my learners the following:
"I believe in you! You are all beautiful, you are all smart, you all belong in this world! You all matter to me! I will miss you all very much!"
In truth, from the learners to the teachers, Parkfields has made such a huge impact on my life; making my Cape Town Experience both eye-opening and life changing!
Elahkwa! (Thank you!)
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