Beth Uriel - The Service of Building Relationships

Entering Beth Uriel, I knew that I wanted to tutor. I saw academic help and success as the ultimate service that I could give. Academic success was a physical, tangible added value that I could measure, and it therefore seemed to be the best use of time. Building friendships and relationships was something that I very much hoped to happen, but wasn’t my number one priority – it didn’t seem like the best form of service. As I spent time at BU, I began to realize the value of building relationships. Having conversations at BU, I began to see the tangible added value in becoming close with someone, and the way that a reciprocal relationship can be the best form of service. I learned a great deal at BU, and here some of the things that I heard that totally revamped by understanding of the concepts of America, success, and family.

America

“Are there poor people in America?”

“Do you know anyone in the illuminati?”

“I like that you guys listen. Hate when people come in here and try and tell us our history.”

Misconceptions went both ways. How they understood me was about as scattered as how I understood where they came from. So we began to chat and we began to open up – tearing down concepts of race and identity in America, as I grappled with them here.

Success

“Boys swag be supermagondoreus”

I didn’t sleep last night. I just painted. Sometimes that’s what it takes

“I want to be a lawyer. We’ve got this crazy good Constitution that nobody’s using. If I understand the economic stuff too then I can really change s***.”

“I’m successful. I’m very successful. You know why? I can feed myself, I have a home, I go to school, and I’m not on the street.  I have everything I need.”

My original understanding of the men was that they sought success by making a conscious decision to focus upon their education. No matter the ultimate goal, passing matric or obtaining a high school degree was the first step. That’s where I’d help that’s where id add value, academically, in the form of tutoring. However, the interpretations of success that I encountered went   far beyond a degree, shifting my understanding of the way that I defined success as an educational endeavor.

Family

“Don’t wait to eat, guys. You’re family, and there’s enough food. Kill that plate, man.”

“These are my ninjas. No n*****s here, just my ninjas.”

“It’s tough man, when these guys get mad at me for reporting them for not studying. I just wish these boys would understand that this stuff’s important man.”

Race is primarily considered in positive contexts. The house is largely black and coloured however, yet the negative connotations, solidarity, or feelings of angst that the n-word bring are condemned. It’s an incredible impressive feat. It’s not always easy, as is the case with any family. Disagreement pervades, but at the end of the day, it seems that the men understand each other as a unit better than many families that I’ve seen.

I wanted to help the men succeed academically. I wanted to help the men in school any way that I could, hoping to mold matric students into high school graduates. At BU, I did find students seeking success. But I found much more than that. I found, artists, rappers, lawyers, the next president of the DRC, muy thai fighters, chefs, and comedians. I found friends. I found ninjas. I found brothers.  I found a family. In these past 10 weeks I have built relationships that have effected the way I define the American identity, the idea of success, and what it means to have a family. I feel that I have brothers in South Africa that I could still reach out to at a moments notice. From what they have told me, it seems that they feel more than comfortable to do the same, and reach out to me for any reason at all.  I have come to realize that this loyal two-way relationship is the best form of service that I could ever hope to provide.